Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
