i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
