There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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