ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
