obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
