Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
