Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
