im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
