my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and she was petting her beer can
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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