Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
