the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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