I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I need moral support for this bender
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
