she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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