jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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