We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
