just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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