I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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