Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
