They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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