We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
