I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
