Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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