When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
