i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Is it penis luge time yet?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
