Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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