shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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