My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
