I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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