i think my mom watched the whole time
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
