does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
