I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I understand Curling. That high.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
