they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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