I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
