so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Threesome in a minivan. New low
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
