I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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