i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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