just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
