I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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