Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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