I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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