what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
