That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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