she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
