there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
