i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
