Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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