rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
