I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
