Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
