i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
