Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
