Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
