Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
