I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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