I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
