so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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